I began
to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew
it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and
finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking
and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to
avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read writings of Plato, Saint
Augustine of Hippo, Jesus Christ, and Aristotle. I would return
to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly
we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One
evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning
of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day
the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it
hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem.
If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another
job." This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss.
"Honey, " I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want
a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You
think as much as college professors, and college professors don't
make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she
began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library,"
I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for Clinton's
latest book "Family Morals in America". Listening to a
PBS station on the radio, I roared into the parking lot and ran
up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed.
Later, I realized that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering
for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy
thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize
that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video; last week it was "Jerry Spinger" talking about
the song "I'm bad" by Michael Jacks. Then we share experiences
about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. Life just
seemed .. more bland .. without purpose or meaning, somehow, as
soon as I stopped thinking, and avoided thoughts about the meaning
of life and my future. I still have my job, and things are a lot
better at home and the office. Now I stare for hours at the T.V.
and receive my daily dose of brainwashing instead of contemplating
the mysteries of life.
Have you joined Thinker's
Anonymous yet?
(Thanks Bill)
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